Two half-disappointments today. Together they don’t make one disappointment. Just two half first-strikes.

The simple thought of “maybe it simply WAS me all those years, maybe it WASN’T bad luck” makes my stomach churn and deeply deeply troubles me. And yet from what I’ve learned through these last few days , and especially yoday, I have a vague feeling that I will eventually prove it was me. And it scares and saddens the shit out of me.

Should I re-read ?

Or should I re-write ?


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